Should I stay in my marriage or go?
Let me validate your giving some serious thought in framing what must be a vexing question for you.
You have likely been arguing and it is unsettling.
If you have children you are wondering what is best for them.
The chemistry and connection you once had with your partner has really faded; you’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to have passion.
You might even have met someone attractive and this puts you in a dilemma.
Divorce is a major step
There are a lot of ties to cut. Whilst the unknown is full of potential and can seem exciting and really alive, it very often comes to grief on the same issues you now face….a different face of the same coin. You could exchange an alcoholic for a workaholic for instance, neither are there for you.
Clarity & Researched Facts
Here are a few researched facts, which may help clarity:
Communication styles do not greatly influence the solidarity of relationships, arguing or not speaking at all will be perceived the same if underlying feelings are the same; especially by children. Bickering and heated exchanges are often a result of unmet needs. Address the needs and the arguments fade.
Children’s needs revolve around belonging. If they feel secure, safe and loved they have a higher tolerance for change than adults who have a lot more responsibilities to consider.
It is the acceptance that allows us to grow together.
“Relationship is the most exciting teacher” (Embracing the Other / Hal & Sidra Stone).
Chemistry & Passion
Chemistry is a process that is very much under mind control in humans. If we continually look to a partner to supply passion in our relationship with the outside world it is unlikely to be tolerated long as it takes a lot of energy and time to supply. Look to gain a passion that truly belongs to you and which you can share.
There are several stages to a maturing relationship. We respond almost unconsciously at first,trying to be more what the other likes. Later the very thing that attracts us can become most annoying. The relaxed camaraderie we loved may become drunken laziness, good organizing skills can become a tyrant. We then tend to notice and are attracted to it’s opposite; the diligent energetic achiever, subservient busty pleaser. It’s when we become more critical and compare, that the cracks in relationship are found.
Relationship really is a process of discovering about our self through the other…. It is then we can find the other’s unique idiosychronicities can be endearing.
Couple Counselling works.
Sure you may have already tried that. Successful people are not put off at the first try.
At the very least spend a bit on a holiday for the family where you can recapture the essence of togetherness, while attempting to settle differences in a supportive atmosphere.
It has to be better than sitting in front of a desk telling your problems, to a solicitor who will then write to another in an adversial atmosphere; at xxx dollars an hour.
Perhaps before you or your partner / child / friend, did not feel supported.
Call us 07-54399595
At Innerstay we realise that personality issues can arise so easily and create the situation where two’s company, three’s a crowd. There is far less chance of this arising from a couple in counselling, more chance of being understood. And the cost is not significantly greater.
Call us 07-54399595 for a non biased, no cost, obligation free 10 min chat to get to the crux of what counts for you.